Circle of Life

It’s Monday and I’m off work. It’s like the day to get your life in order. And order is important for someone who feels transitional and out of control. It’s also important for days that happen to be the anniversary of a quarter century.

I was born 6.20.nineteen86. According to mama murph, my due date was 6.17.nineteen86. I was late-in delivery. and life. My first quarter century was beautiful. I’m jealous of my childhood, long for certain time periods, & feel nostalgic for friends who have touched my life. 

Here I am, thinking about my second quarter century.

This constant urge to live in the moment & plan for the future.To travel the world & to return home.To meet new people & to settle down.

…Late to this feeling I’m sure. Postponed by graduate school. Many of my friends have passed this stage. They’re buying real estate. Getting engaged/married. Getting promotions. I’m still wide open in uncertainty. Half really loving it and half really concerned-but not ready for their stage yet.

This is when exercising helps.

It helps you zone out & think clearly.move quickly while staying in one location.Fills you with adrenaline & exhausts you to relinquish to uncertainty.Connect with a natural force bigger than yourself & feel powerful enough to take on a bigger force.

I took a run/walk in Tower Grove Park. It has been home to runs for the past three years. It will only be home to runs for the next month. There were male and female cardinals flying around together-birds, not STL baseball players. Just got me thinking of floating through life, going wherever the wind takes you & simultaneously triggers the conditioned memory of home and my mother. A lover of cardinals.

There is only one life to explore places, love people, have the career you want and try and bottle them all up into one timespacelocation of a body. Is the word for that spirit?

Sometimes in transitions it’s easy to go from “the world is my oyster” to feeling like road kill. The ups and downs are extremely noticeable. And the job interviewers always ask where you see yourself in 5 years. And you question how much you put into the search and research of jobs. 

So in those moments, I suggest you stay where you are, have your sister & future brother-in-law visit, and go eat the best BBQ (Iron Barley) to feel like you’re living your own life, have family present, & top the food chain.