Throughout undergrad people often thought I looked well put together for classes.
Figure 1:The Put Togetherness Scale
Not put together ----Fairly put together---Somewhat put together----Well put together
Wearing jeans earned you a “well put together” even if you had greasy hair and toothpicks holding up your 2-day-old, mascara-ed eyelids. I liked wearing jeans. I felt more productive, awake and anti-button busted controlled. I didn’t realize that washing my sole pair of jeans like once every week and a half didn’t account for the anti-fabric stretch to accommodate food babies, control.
Before returning home for the holidays I bought a fabulous pair of corduroy leggings inspired by my incredibly fashionable friend. I soon realized that these tight legged pants were really just faux restricting tights. I have been wearing (sans washing) them all break. (Break constitutes as 4 days-ew, I know).
Somewhere in my jean wearing rule (#22), leggings became acceptable. It’s a slippery slope from leggings to consuming 2 snicker doodles, 2 chocolate chip cookies, 1 chocolate drenched pistachio biscotti, 1 peppermint bark, 2 peanut butter kiss cookies, and 2 glasses of red wine. Oh! and 3 like almond-y cake square things. So good. The food, not the baby.
I don’t actually have rules. I have general checks and balances that keep me in line, or buttoned-in, and feeling good. My general rule right now is enjoy, stay active, enjoy, wear leggings…temporarily.
Others have food rules that put my “togetherness” scale to shame.
Figure 2: Standard Holiday Food Rules List
1. If the pan of brownies wasn’t cut evenly, evening it out for Gram [by eating] is the right thing to do.
2. If peppermint is good for digestion than 20 candy canes must be great after our deep fried turkey Christmas dinner!
3. If it’s green it must be healthy! That goes for those Mint Melt-Aways. Well, only like 50% of the chocolate box, duh.
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8. If it doesn’t all fit in this Tupperware, well, there wouldn’t be enough room in the fridge or the ice-box cold garage to store more food. I guess I’ll just have to store some in my stomach..?
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14. I have to eat Santa’s cookies! What if, what if…he can’t fit down the other chimneys because he had so many cookies to eat! I’d be doing him a favor. 15. A Yule Log must have lots of fiber.
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182. Eggnog helps build muscles. That’s what they say.
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My holiday party rule is actually more along the lines of: buy a super swanky, new clutch that requires a hand (not an armpit) and occupy the other hand with some fantastic red wine allowing nil a hand for a Christmas cookie let alone 2 snicker doodles, 2 chocolate chip cookies, 1 chocolate drenched pistachio biscotti, 1 peppermint bark, 2 peanut butter kiss cookies, dot, dot, dot.
But apparently I’m a little guilty of breaking my rules. And rightfully so. Some rules are meant to be [legging] stretched around the holidays. My real rule is after all the baked-goods-gift-giving and holiday parties subside, start wearing clean jeans, again. AND be grateful that so many people love me enough to share their treats and parties with me.
After the season, my “well put togetherness” will look just like it did in undergrad, [holiday] haggard and stuffed into jeans.
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